Returning to Work

The thought makes me really nervous

So I have been out on medical leave because of my surgery. I am scheduled to return to work next month and the thought is making me really nervous.

It’s not like having been on vacation, and then going back to work. This is much different. First of course, there was the recuperation from the surgery and that horrible flu that sent me to the ER. There was no sitting on the beach drinking a maitai. No getting dressed up and going out for a nice dinner. No, theater or movies to attend. Simply sitting in bed, working on getting healthy.

And to be honest, in the 5 years that I worked at my present job, I actually really didn’t take vacation. I may have taken a few days here and there, but even when I needed some time, feeling overwhelmed at work, and they let me work officially as a part-time worker, I ended up working more hours than before. (Yes I got paid for all the hours I worked.)

OK, I know. I am probably a workaholic in some form. But the truth of the matter is we, as a family, don’t go on vacation. We did when the boys were younger. It was nice, but never great. We would go for a week at a time and after a few days it became, well, boring. So if the family is not going on vacation, no reason for me to not work. I work from home so it’s not like it’s hard to get to the office. I even sit in my pjs all day. No running for the train or the bus or fighting traffic. Unless there is too many people in the kitchen and then that sets my nerves on edge.

We, in fact, did all the obligatory vacations that you do with young children. We went to Disney, and Universal. We stopped going on vacations though as they got older. Mostly because the husband would spend most of the time in the hotel room working, being sent work even though they knew he was on vacation and it had been approved. Not very much of a vacation with him stuck in the hotel room.

(Work life balance was not a thing back in the aughts and law firms were not human friendly. His law firm actually called him into work the day after our oldest was born, when they had promised him he could have at least a week off. And of course, now that he was a father he wasn’t going to piss off the partner gods and get fired.)

So what we would do is simply go visit my parents.

The parents lived in Florida and it was just fine. It was also a nice way to get to see them. The boys loved their grandparents, tremendously. Well, it was a mutual love fest between the 4 of them.

Now honestly, the thing we remember the most about Disney is having lived through hurricane Charlie which was a cat2. The boys hunkered down in the bathtub and enjoyed watching movies on the cd rom player (this tells you how long ago this was). Actually they had a blast. Thought it was the funnest thing ever. Children do have a capacity to find the fun in everything in you allow them to.

Before the hurricane we weren’t having that good a time either. I have to say that for Disney being the happiest place on earth at the time, we were pretty underwhelmed. What Disney is like now I don’t know. There seems like they did make alot of upgrades which seem nice. And they also come with a nice price tag I am told. I do watch the vlogs about the Disney cruises and the do seem like alot of fun. But as I have said before, we are not cruise people. It’s out on the ocean, and there are things in the ocean that will eat you.

The day after the hurricane Disney in general was closed of course, and so were the airports. But Disney, in very nice fashion, gifted us 2 free days at the resort. The only parks that were open were the water parks and those were the ones we actually enjoyed the most so it was fine. So in the end we got several extra days of running around in the water parks. It was really weird though to see all the huge palm trees lining the roads. Completely pulled up by their roots (well what we also learned is that palm tree roots are very shallow and it’s not hard to upend them.)

On another vacation, we also used some Amex points once to go on a trip to the most family friendly resort in the US according to Travel and Leisure. And that a huge mistake. We flew across country to a resort on the Cali coast. Now California is nice, I won’t say it isn’t, but where the resort is, is quite boring for young boys. They had a swimming pool, a gym and you could go sightseeing if you wanted (sea lions on the coast). They had a go kart place in town. There was a zoo, but coming from the area with one of the best zoos in the world, the Bronx Zoo, nothing really compares, unless of course you go on safari.

(By the way, Cali is in need of alot of help. While we cant help individuals we can give to organizations that are trying to support people and animals in the area. While I did go off ranting how its the animals that need our help in Cali and not those who lost multi million dollars homes- still feel that way- there are alot of people who lost blue collar jobs and businesses because of the disaster who need help. Personally I gave to the Pasadena Animal Shelter and a group that flies animals to other locations for adoption. Make sure to check out any charity though before you give. There are always awful people trying to take advantage.)

Meanwhile, over time going to visit the grandparents was what we did. Last time we did stay in a hotel and it was nice. My parents would come for the day and we would hang out at the hotel pool. At the time we convinced my dad it was time for an iPhone. (My father died about 6 months later, never getting that new cellphone though).

After that, with my mom left alone, my sisters and I would trade months and we would go visit her just to make sure she was ok. She did need surgery at one point where I came for a week to help, right before hurricane Sandy hit NY. Got back home just in time. (That adventure is a post for another day. And think about how long ago that was yet there are people still dealing with the aftermath- I kid you not).

But once mom died, there was no reason for me to go to Florida. And no reason for us to go anywhere. Heck, COVID hit and you couldn’t really go anywhere. Well some NY pols, like AOC, who supported lockdowns and masks for NYers, did go vacation in Florida where you didn’t have to wear a mask- we can talk about that hypocrisy later, but for the most part, people stayed put. Well, here in my little enclave of NY they did.

And yes, COVID lockdown is over. But we have no interest in traveling anywhere right now. Well, my oldest and I would like to go to Israel. But other than that, not really interested in going to another country. Not sure its safe for Jews to travel anywhere else actually. With pogroms and marches calling for Jewish blood, Europe, Asia, Australia, Latin America seems to have reverted to type. Maybe I am paranoid, but just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they are not out to get you.

The husband would like to go somewhere on vacation. He actually hasn’t shown any interest in a vacation for a very long time. So we discussed where he would like to go. He said he didn’t want to go to the caribbean. So I think what we will do is simply find a nice resort closer to home and maybe make long term plans. But when I mentioned we should look into going away in August, he said not really. So, maybe it was all just something he would like to fantasize about, but doesn’t really want to do it.

Meanwhile, I am sitting quiet trying to figure out my return to work. I noticed that we have alot of doctor appointments in March and I am not sure why that is. But, to take the time I will have to make up the missed hours since after being out I don’t have any PTO left. This has left me feeling really anxious because it appears this change is going to cut into my exercise time.

I really like my exercise time. I enjoy working out and getting sweaty. I enjoy feeling like I am getting better and able to move forward in my own little world. Not what does happen alot is that by midafternoon I am tired. And the doctor did say it could take up to a year for me to regain my total strength. So now I am obsessing about not having enough energy to do everything that needs to get done in order for the house to run well, the boys taken to their programs, and for me to exercise and take care of myself.

And yes, it’s silly. And yes I am making issues in my own head, where none is probably going to exist, but I did get overwhelmed when I saw that doctor schedule for March.

In truth, I am really enjoying not working for a company right now. (Anyone who tells you that a SAHM doesn’t work, has no idea what we do every day and they are simply stupid people) It is a luxury for certain to not need to punch a clock.

Or maybe it’s just the change that is getting me all unnerved. I am usually good with change. I used to be able to change directions on a dime. Nothing would stop me. If it needed to be done, I would happily upend my direction and make an about face and get my act together. But right now, all I want to do is ride the Peloton, do some pilates, take a shower and crawl back into bed.

IT IS DAY 489 OF THE HOSTAGES BEING HELD IN THE TERROR DUNGEONS OF GAZA 🎗️

Leave a comment but remember the rules. Anything nasty will be deleted.

Note: I have not activated paid subscriptions. But I have created a tip jar. HERE

On the other hand, if you feel that I have reached you in some way, please give to your local food bank or local animal shelter.