Fun

Joy, happiness, rejoice

One of the things that always seems to be put to the wayside when you are dealing with overwhelming issues is anything that can bring joy. And its not always a monetary issue either. Its almost as if you say to yourself, well I can’t be happy now, I can’t laugh, I can’t dance, I can’t act as if there is nothing wrong happening, so I am going to ignore that part of my psyche that craves enjoyment. It is almost as if you do not allow yourself to explore activities or moments that are fun because for some reason it would mean you are an unserious and ridiculous person.

Listen we are all allowed to be unserious and ridiculous at times. We can be silly and playful and carefree. It doesn’t mean you then turn into one of those ignoramuses who risk life and limb, or go down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. Jackass the Movie, notwithstanding, there is enjoyment and then there is idiocy too. (Judgmental? Probably. Am I wrong. Absolutely not.)

Being joyful is as simple as taking 15 minutes for yourself to sit and drink a cup of your favorite tea or a cup of coffee. It is merely the time you give yourself to think about yourself. And you are not only allowed, it is a requirement to maintain your own humanity.

This is something so many mothers complain about. That somewhere in the middle of marriage and motherhood, they lost themselves. I also find it really interesting that you never hear fathers complain about losing themselves. Maybe its because society doesn’t expect them to give up their identities when they marry or become parents. Think of it. Women change their last name. (I didn’t want to, but it really was the only real thing my husband had wanted me to do, so I did it. And yes 43 years later it still annoys me.) Men do not. Most women will still prefer to stay home with their children, but husbands keep working, and maintain that identity outside the house.

I also think its the attitude society has developed about stay at home moms. (SAHM). If you as a woman chose to stay home and raise your own children there must be something wrong with you. Something is lacking about your that you chose the little lives you brought into the world instead of corporate America. (And yes, I also know that it takes 2 incomes for most households today. I also know that there are alot of single mothers out there, raising their children alone, who are not given enough credit in this world. Why? I have no idea.)

I think we forget our own individuality over time. Especially those of us who are in their sandwich generation mode. We forget that we are human and we need to not only take care of others, but we need to also take care of ourselves. It is the oxygen mask theory. Before you really can do a good job of caring for others, you need to make sure you are taken care of as well.

It is why I always try to remind all mothers, not just mothers of special needs children, make that annual check up. Get your damn blood pressure checked. Get that mammogram and pap smear. Go do some kind of exercise even if it simply a walk around the block pushing a pram. You also don’t have to wait to see what the children will eat and only eat their leftovers. You can have good healthy food for yourself. (and yes, children should have healthy food too, but there is that time that they really only subsist on chicken nuggets, fries, and pb&j).

You don’t have to be super mom either. They will survive if they have a normal little sandwich in their lunchbox. You don’t need to do the bento box lunch for anyone. (apparently that is now the sign of a caring mom to bento box everything) Generations of children and husbands survived lunch in a paper bag too. A drink, simple sandwich, and a cookie or fruit.

You have to put in the fruit part in today’s world, because the food police in some schools are so ridiculous they won’t even let you bring birthday cake for your child’s class on your child’s special day. I remember when someone suggested we bring carrots and celery with dip to celebrate birthdays when one of my children were in elementary school. I showed up with fancy cookies when it was my sons’ turn. What sorry people these are who even try to take the joy out of a child’s birthday. (I feel sorry for these killjoys’ children. Wonder if they got a birthday cake at home or just some carrots with humus dip. -Nothing against humus, but its simply not my go to when I think of fun birthday foods.)

It is also ok to let them buy lunch at school. Listen, I know its probably cheaper to make lunch for them, but the few extra cents school lunch costs can be sanity saving, well as long as the pocket book can handle it of course. And you know what too? If your child is entitled to free breakfast and lunch, apply for it. There is no shame in getting the help you need. -that includes medicaid, food stamps, etc. It’s why I pay my fucking taxes, to help my fellow Americans, not fund marble floors and junkets for the dickwads who run Washington DC.

I think the problem that we have in our society is that we are told to go, go, go. Never look back and always be planning your next move. Even heading toward retirement, nothing is easy. I swear to God in heaven. I just watched a video session about social security and medicare and I thought I was going to jump out the window.(Don’t worry I was on the main floor of my house so I didn’t have far to fall if it came to that.) I have come to the conclusion that bureaucrats make everything so difficult simply to justify their own existence.

Now granted they do want people to take social security at a later date in life, You can start at 62 but you lose so much in benefits. If you can wait until you are 70 you are much better off. Of course then they need to discuss trying to figure out if you come from a family of long livers, so if that is the case then waiting until 70 is a good idea, but if your family keels over generally before 75, well then you might as well start taking this benefit earlier. (Of course then considering medicine could keep you alive well into your 90s in today’s world, even if your genes say it might not happen, so there is that to consider, too) Then there’s the concept of splitting who may take social security earlier and which in your spousal arrangement can take it later. They called it the 62-70 split. Well they lost me on that one. (We are waiting as long as we can.) Of course if you want to take social security at what they call full retirement, 67 for me, I can get my social security and continue to work. But then you have to think about what it will do to your tax base. (See why this lead to a migraine)

And medicare…I have someone to help me with that one. And you should find someone too. It’s a free service that people provide because they get paid by either the insurance companies or the government (I don’t remember which). But they are trained to provide guidance. They also do a full analysis of your situation, and tell you when to apply, and which plans are best for you to choose. Our person gave a free introductory lecture at our continuing education program in my town. I have no idea if they advertise, and no idea if you can find someone through AARP.

And talk about AARP, the retirees lobby, you can now join when you are in your 20s.

And once this is all settled is there now fun in the sun? I have no idea. My parents moved to Florida (which I am determined not to do, but that may be some very famous last words), but also never retired. My father worked until he died. He was going to retire, and then got misdiagnosed with tuberculosis when he had lung cancer. (and yes we went to lawyers and they said under Florida law we didn’t have a case.) I wrote this when he died.

I end that discussion of my father’s life with the following recommendation for others:

I just remembered something of a wish I had had concerning my father and his grandchildren. The Western Wall of the Temple, or Kotel, is the second holiest site in all of Judaism. It is located in Jerusalem, Israel. My dream, was that my father, and his grandchildren would go there and touch the stones hewed together thousands upon thousands of years ago. Together they would place a note in the cracks of the Wall, as is tradition. (A special message between God and you.) To us the Kotel is more than a religious symbol. It is a symbol of renewal and survival. It is a symbol of strength and the future.

The Jewish people pray three times a day, the watch word of our faith, The Shema. It extols the virtues of a monotheistic God. You are commanded in that prayer to teach these words, "Hear O Israel (meaning the people not the state), the Lord our God the Lord is One," to your children. From generation unto generation.... Seeing his grandchildren in Jerusalem, at the Kotel, reciting this prayer, would have been the culmination of much that my father had sought to accomplish.

It never happened, because I thought we had years. First was the boys’ medical bills, now there's college and graduate school. There was always a reason that we just didn't save money for such a trip. Now the trip will never happen.

Don't wait. If there is something important that you want to do, something so meaningful that it would be a lifetime experience, especially between your parents and their grandchildren find a way to do it. Don't make my mistake. Learn from my mistake. Please.

Now talk about a very bad time. Talk about a lack of fun. It was an awful year after my father died. But interestingly enough I found myself singing one day. I realized I had not sung in a very long time. (Now Jewish law does say you should not listen to music for the year of mourning after a parent dies.) It was as if my psyche understood it was time. But the guilt was tremendous let me tell you.

I realized that my father would not have wanted me to wallow in sadness. No real parent would want that for their child. So sang I did and continue to sing. (Yes, it has been 13 years since he died, 10 years ago we lost my mother. And yes, as I have said I think of them every day still.)

I think one of the things we learn over our lifetime is that part of being human is to celebrate our lives at every stage. Sing, dance, laugh, be ribald if that is what makes you happy. Take in the beauty of nature and try to embrace the world around you. Find the joy in everything. Listen to the crickets and the chirping of baby birds. Be entranced by the delight of a child when they figure out they can walk for the first time (I can still see my oldest’s face when he realized he could stand on his own). Applaud the accomplishments of everything that you, and those around you, do. Embrace and delight in the blessings of this world. No matter what happens to you in this life, remember you were given life so you can live it to its fulfillment and that includes allowing yourself to be happy, cheerful, and to have fun.

You are entitled to your joy.

Rejoice as the Bible tells us…rejoice in the world and the life that we have been given. (It also means you don’t have to take anyone’s bullshit, too.)

IT IS DAY 611 OF THE HOSTAGES BEING STARVED AND HELD IN THE TERROR DUNGEONS OF GAZA 🎗️

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