Attitude

Take that bug out of your ass

Listen I have had a really rough few days. After 10 years I finally had the gumption to have reconstructive/reduction surgery with symmetry from my breast cancer. When I had the lumpectomy done it didn’t heal correctly so my breast was really misshapen. Unfortunately, I had had such a bad experience, the last thing I wanted was someone operating on my breasts to fix the error. (Now this is not because my surgeon was not good or didn’t do a good job, I just had complications that well…was rare because that is how my family rolls.)

What happened was that the incision got infected after the surgery. Doctor said that happens in less than 1% of situations. What also happened was that the lump I had removed had had a biopsy that had come back benign. That too was wrong. It turned out I had level 1A cancer. The basic kind, estrogen positive. Nothing too egregious (yes I know it was still cancer but there are so may worse types, you need to learn to be grateful.). That error also happens in less than 1% of situations. But what it also meant was that I needed a second surgery to remove lymph nodes to make sure the cancer had not migrated from the breast (it had not…so lucky!)

Now remember this was 10 years ago, and medicine has comes so far afield who even knows if this statistic is still relevant.

Well anyway, what happened was that instead of the wound healing from the outside in, I had to pack the wound and it basically healed from the inside out. Leaving a huge valley on the left side of my breast. I then had radiation, which also caused discoloration and made my skin look really streaky and odd.

But, then I went on that post treatment medical treatment (taking all those wonderful life savings meds that make your life miserable). Yet, after several years and finally being released by my oncologist, I was so done with anything having to do with my breasts (other than having mammograms and ultrasounds) I just couldn’t tolerate the thought of going under the knife again.

The infection was that awful.

Moreover, in the interim I had had a little mole removed from my back with 1 little stitch which became so infected I needed 3 courses of antibiotic. That wound, in fact, became do big it needed to be regularly debrided in order for it to heal properly.

I have no idea why I suddenly became so sensitive to skin infections. In discussion with the doctors (of whom there were many eventually involved in this case) the thought was that the issue with my back was maybe due to radiation damage. The radiation that hit my breast when you lined up the rays went right through that spot that didn’t heal properly on my back.

Well needlesstosay, going under the knife and additional surgery was a no go for a very long time. I had had enough.

Then came my hysterectomy last year. That was something that needed to be done. Which I had put off also for about 10 years in the hopes that menopause would shrink my fibroids. Which they did not. Like 20% of women, menopause made the fibroids get bigger. Much like it also did with my breasts.

So yeah I was quite the physical mess.

The interesting thing is that none of this was life threatening. But what it did was impacted my quality of life. For the fibroids in my uterus were the size of grapefruits. I was literally walking around as if I was 6 months pregnant all the time. With the fibroids sitting on both my colon and my bladder,. You know you never know how much better you can feel until you take care of things that you thought might be unnecessary. Its amazing really. I’m like a different person.

Now an additional upside of the hysterectomy surgery however, was that the doctor was very careful due to my history of infection to make sure that there was proper antibiotic during the surgery. And all went well in that department. No infections. What this allowed me to do was to get over my fear and to actually contemplate that maybe it was time for the reconstruction of my breasts so I would feel whole again. So I would no longer look mutilated.

And I gathered up my courage and went and had it all done. 2 days ago.

Meanwhile, listen to this, I found out during my investigation on having breast reconstructive surgery that only a hand full of states require insurance companies to cover for symmetry. Can you believe it? That not all states require insurance companies to make sure that if they have to reconstruct a breast due to breast cancer that they don’t need to pay to make the other breast equal in size and shape. What the fuck is that?

I guess I shouldn’t be totally surprised that the men who run the insurance industry can’t figure out why women would want their breasts to match. If they had to ever face a wife with mutilated breasts these assholes would probably just find themselves a new wife.

I swear everyday there is a new outrage. I have actually lost track.

So meanwhile, I am lucky to live in a state that requires the insurance company to pay for symmetry. So I went ahead and had reconstructive surgery with reduction and for symmetry. I am also one of those women who instead of my breasts shrinking in menopause, and with blocking estrogen during my cancer treatment, much like my fibroids growing, so did my breasts. It was as if I was carrying around 2 infants strapped to my chest.

If you are a man and you are reading this do this exercise. Take 2, 5 pound, or even 6 pound weights, and strap one to each side of your chest. Now go function in life. Fun huh.

Anyway, as per my normal reality, which is to say if there can be complications we go all in for complications. I stayed over night in the hospital and then went home. They said if there is excessive bleeding to call. You have to wear a compression bra to hold everything in place of course. And without a doubt, I filled up 2 heavy duty gauze pads within a few hours. So a call was made and back to the hospital I went.

I stayed over night. Had an ultrasound. They did blood test, after blood test to make sure that my system was stable. Nope no internal bleeding. No hematoma. Just some residual gunk (I don’t know the medical name for it) that may continue to discharge, but will completely be reabsorbed into the body over the next few days.

Ok, I’m back home and sitting quietly now.

But if I could tell you I was so overwhelmed in the hospital that uncharacteristically I asked for something for anxiety. They thought I was having alot of pain. I said nope, no pain. I barely needed any Tylenol. But I was crawling the walls. I thought I was going to climb out of my skin. They gave me a little xanax. It definitely took the edge off.

But meanwhile as I sat in the hospital, I played on Notes. One of the things I found out is that if you are looking for a calm version of reality on Notes these days forget about it. People have attitudes and poles up their butts so far they could fly themselves as flags.

I’ve only been on substack for a little over a year, but something has changed. Meanies has invaded Notes. And god forbid you challenge someone too. The best part is if you try to explain why someone might criticize something a person wrote, you attempt to be supportive, and they tell you that you are dehumanizing them. As if they can’t be criticized simply because something they wrote is heartfelt.

That interaction was really strange though, especially from the person who wrote it, who tends to be, well, not be a weirdo. I figure dehumanizing someone is when you are the subject of violent sexual war crimes as outlined in the Dinah Report from the UK, which is about the sexual atrocities committed by Hamas on October 7, and still have the world question whether it even happened or actually celebrate the atrocities committed against you and yours. That to me is dehumanizing. Not having someone criticize what you wrote.

But heck what do I know?

This reminded me of the time on twitter when I challenged someone about something they said, and they accused me of interfering with their freedom of speech. I had to explain to that child that freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from derision, censure, or simply being told you are stupid. I love how this younger generation is incapable of self reflection, and cannot under any circumstances take constructive criticism. This is what happens when you spend your life getting participation trophies.

I also had to explain to some idiot from JStreet, who supports Mamdani, that he is an antisemite and they accused me of ad hominem attacks because I didn’t provide any evidence of said antisemitism. As if she is incapable of reading news reports. The ability of the Jewish supporters of this antisemitic antiamerican racist commie nepo baby who has never built anything, ran a company, had to make payroll, created anything of value, to tie themselves into gordian knots in order to support him is a feet reminiscent of anything the greatest philosophers and string theorists go through in creating an alternative universe.

I had to explain to her that he supports Hamas, Hezbollah, and says Israel has no right to exist. So basically that means subjugation of the Jews of Israel to an Arab majority or genocide. Saying that Jews do not have a right to govern themselves in their indigenous homeland is antisemitism. I also told her (yes I was snarky at that point) that if she doesn’t like what I had to say or how I said it, since it is her substack she is more than welcome to delete my comment. She then said something rather huffy and left it alone. I have no idea if my comment is still there and really don’t care.

By the way, on another note, the United Federation of Teachers in NYC endorsed Mamdani, knowing full well he is an antisemite, and the National Education Association, the largest teacher’s union in the country, said they are no longer going to allow the AntiDefamation League to participate in antiracism training because they can’t be trusted to define antisemitism.

Yes, the largest teachers union in the country has decide that the premier Jewish civil right organization doesn’t have the right to define antisemitism. CAIR, the unindicted coconspirator in the Holy Land terror funding trial (the 5 convicted members whom Mamdani praised in his rap video by the way), the virulent antisemitic, proHamas, proMuslim Brotherhood organization praised the move by the NEA. What a shock.

So do you think that the NEA is now not going to allow the NAACP to define racism? Or maybe they will disassociate from Jesse Jackson’s organization, or maybe the Southern Poverty Law Center, since obviously minorities have no right to define the hatred against them. Or is it just Jews who have no right to define the animus directed at them? Yeah, you guessed it.

Listen, if I were a Jewish parent of young children, I would be pulling my kid out of public school so fast, it would leave no skid marks. But this exponential rise in antisemitism through the public school systems in the US is not new, and also the reason why there is the huge growth in Jewish Day Schools in the US.

So attitude. I have no patience. None at all.

While I sit here recovering from surgery, going over interesting thoughts and ideas presented by rational people, I have decided that substack is becoming like so much of social media. I have seen the complaints logged during the day but thought they were being dramatic. Not any more. While there are fun things to read, recipes to try, beautiful pictures of humanity to explore, most of it is just turning to crap on notes.

Sorry substack. You fucking blew it.

Oh I am not leaving. I like my form of journal writing here. I just think I am going to change some settings thats all.

IT IS DAY 643 OF THE HOSTAGES BEING STARVED AND HELD IN THE TERROR DUNGEONS OF GAZA 🎗️

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