Tired

Had enough yet.....

ifunny

I am the cat.

But, actually, I am alot older than the cat.

No, not gonna tell…never ask a lady her true age they say. Except social security can ask. They know my age, and I will definitely never withhold that truth from them…or the IRS. You don’t fuck with those people.

Meanwhile, I realized that I am tired.

I have had enough of nonsense. I have run out of patience. You know just like your parents told you when you missed curfew, “we have run out patience with you, young lady.” Well my parents never said that to me, because I was a boring goody-two-shoes, varsity cheerleader, national honor society, nerdy child, and who never even needed a curfew. (Goodness, I must have been insufferable.)

I am not tired in a physical, can’t move, walking through goop kind of way. I had that, by the way, years ago. It was a sign of lupus, or some other autoimmune disease. They did a blood test (positive RNA) and put me on medication- an antimalarial (Plaquenil), which in rare instances can cause damage to your retinas. And yep, it messed with my retinas, so no more medication. Luckily my eyes went back to normal, after 2 years, at least until I needed cataract surgery. Now I have bionic eyes and can work on the computer without glasses. (still need glasses to drive though).

I am tired, and not in an ennui sort of way either. I am neither weary nor dissatisfied with my life or situation. Well we would all like to be billionaires (I would of course, take millionaire if necessary), but I have come to the conclusion that unless I win the lottery that simply is not going to happen. I, for the life of me, would not even know where to start to go about creating such a vast empire of wealth. More power to those that figured it out. I can barely balance my checkbook. (And for the GenZs reading this, a check is a paper document where you can pay someone some money you owe them. Not everything can be Venmoed or Zelled.)

I am not really sure how to explain this tiredness either. Life just isn’t supposed to be this complicated. I am the only one who thinks things have just gotten out of hand?

Suddenly everything is just so complicated. Nothing seems to come easy. Much of it came after the pandemic, but I think it started way before that. You used to make plans for your life and those plans held up. We have had curve balls to be sure, but working them out, always ended in some kind of result that you could live with or that you found satisfactory. Not any more.

I truly don’t know how to explain it fully. I feel inundated with so much intel and information that I cannot process everything, but at the same time, the information I am getting is neither answering the questions I have nor is it resolving my issues. So my brain is tired. It’s just too much.

We have to keep so much in our heads right now, even compartmentalized, I have no place to keep putting more information. I can relate to that commercial where Jennifer Aniston in order to take in more information had to forget something so she forgot about the “Rachel.” Society can relate. That must be why Uber Eats created that commercial.

Apparently, so many of us have so much to remember, analyze, and process that we need to make room in our brains to simply get even the smallest chore done.

That is why come Sunday you will usually find me hanging out in bed, bing watching some series or just scrolling through the shorts on YouTube. My head needs a rest. I know in them olden days, we used to sit in bed on Sunday mornings and read the Sunday paper. We don’t need to do that anymore. 24/7 news has taken that little ritual away.

However, I still sit on Sundays and watch the news talk shows and work on the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle. And if truth be told, I like that you can turn on the “hints,” to help me finish the puzzle. Now that’s what I call glorious satisfaction.

But I guess the reality is that we need to learn to turn everything off at least 1 day a week. The Jews did invent the sabbath day after all (guess we were on to something even way back when), and for modern orthodox that means no electronics of any kind, including the phone and news apps. Honestly, that would probably stress me out more though, than having too much news. Especially over these past 9 months since October 7. I find myself waking up at 3 am and scrolling for any new reports. (I am on Telegram so I get updates from Israeli sources throughout the day too).

I am not certain what is going on. I just know something is happening and I simply cannot put my finger on it. You know when something is simply not right. I just don’t know what it is yet. And that is what is truly worrying and tiring all at the same time.