F*ck Around and Find Out

Embracing your inner bitch.....

I was told by a very young woman one day, well a nurse in a doctor’s office, that I shouldn’t use the word “bitch” to describe myself or other women. “Men call women that enough,” she said. “We shouldn’t use it.”

No, I did not argue with her. I figured something had probably happened in her world and she has had a very bad interaction with some male who had meant something to her at one time. But, I did think to myself, you are so young. Let me tell you there are so many women out there who can be described as “bitches.” They deserve the moniker, or worse actually. I figured she will learn over time. By the way, in yiddish we would call a woman like this a “yente.” It is not a compliment or a term of endearment, no matter what is shown in Fiddler on the Roof.

(The British call horrible women “cows.” I always thought that was rather insulting to the cow, too. Cows always reminded me of another type of dog. Loving and kind in general. There is nothing mean or nasty about a cow. They are however, sadly used and abused by agribusiness. PS as you can tell, I don't eat beef. I gave up veal decades ago since I heard about how the poor babies are treated. We do not eat pork or lamb in our home either. We eat free range eggs. I try for free range chicken as well. Not enough respect goes into our food supply, but that is another topic for another day. )

Honestly, I tend to ignore those who think they can tell me what words to say or what language to use. I mentioned before how someone had once told me that she didn’t like her 3 year old to use the word “hate,” when a friend and I were in a store one day discussing an issue. I just love being spoken to as if I am a recalcitrant toddler by a total stranger. (What is it about young mothers that they think they can tell others what to do and how to do it, as if everyone is supposed to be corralled by them.)

I also had an interesting interaction with a woman in the hair salon years ago, when I and my stylist were talking about what book genres we liked. I told her I didn’t really like “chick lit” (btw it is a recognized form of literature). The old lady next to us, piped into our conversation that she doesn’t like that description. She was really huffy about it too. As if her opinion was what really mattered and no one else’s. My stylist and I looked at each other and shared a wry smile. Also I realized that it was not important to argue with someone who obviously had a pole up her ass. In effect, you don’t win when arguing with a yente. That is not the purpose of their interjections. Their purpose is to center themselves in someone else’s world.

Actually, in truth using the word as it is in our modern culture, is rather insulting to female dogs. They are after all called “bitches,” and female dogs are rather fierce in protecting their young. So if you ever cross one, be careful. There is nothing wrong with protecting your young, unless of course it goes overboard, as it does with so many parents today.

And yes it is men who made the word derogatory. Culture being what it is, you can find so much of the negativity for this word in the mainstream. Culture being what it is, is run by men. Men who obviously do not like strong women. Useless and spineless men who are afraid that they will be found out for the misogynistic creeps that they are. So in order to deflect from their own shortcomings, they need to denigrate women and have come to use the word “bitch” to indicate a woman who won’t be cowed by a male companion’s inadequacies.

So the question becomes, what do I mean when I say embrace your inner bitch? Well here’s the story. When you turn 40 something happens to your psyche. Up until that time you are there to please and help and support everything and everyone within your orbit. Much to the detriment of yourself, your thoughts, your time, your soul. But when you turn 40 it’s as if a lightbulb goes on in your head and you say, enough is enough. It is now my time and I simply am not going to take crap anymore.

Does it make you a bitch to stand up for yourself? To say no? To hold others to a standard? Does it make you a bitch to demand respect for what you do? Honestly, in today’s world it does. Well then, so be it.

In truth, at 40 I simply learned that I can say, “no.”

It’s really funny how empowering that word is. NO. In fact, it is the first word most toddlers will learn to say. Therapists say its because its the word they hear the most. But I think it has to do with new found autonomy. The terrible 2s, or 3s are not about the child being a brat (Ok in some cases the child is a brat because they are being raised by indulgent parents and this new gentle parenting bullshit. But again if at 2 or 3 the child is a brat, it is not the child’s fault.)

It really is about the child understanding that they are separate and distinct human beings, apart from their parents. They have wants and desires which they are asserting. They want their independence. Of course, you can’t always give a 2 or 3 year old independence. And that is when the tug of war begins. (Just as an aside to anyone who has little ones right now, you had better set those boundaries when they begin to use the word “no”or you are in for a world of trouble when they reach 13, 14, 15 and 16.)

So back to the word “bitch.” I actually have decided that I am going to embrace the word. If someone calls me that, they will get more than they bargained for. There is absolutely nothing wrong with standing your ground and demanding your humanity. I think that there are many people out there who are afraid of “bitches.” Does it simply denote a strong woman? Someone who doesn’t take crap. A female who knows her strengths and uses them.

I think about the decades that have come and gone since I embraced this philosophy. Have I really changed and in what vein? What have I done to help myself become more of an independent humanbeing? What have I done to assert myself and demand to be seen? Not really sure how to answer any of these questions. Truly, I am still a work in progress. I am so far from accomplishing my latest goals as well, to help my autistic sons become more independent, that I have yet to feel that I have completed my main reason for being on this earth. What is the old saying, that parenting is the only job where you work to make yourself superfluous. When that happens you know you have succeeded.

I think there is also another side to being a “bitch.” These are strong women who fight the good fight. They are not afraid of the halls of power and demand to be a part of the ruling cadre. They demand the right to make life and death decisions, just as any man does.

I also think about the about the term, “fuck around and find out.” Honestly, I do use it mostly in the theater of war, but then depending on how you have to fight for your family, and what you are up against on a daily basis everything can become an “armed” theater. Thinking your enemy is weaker so you can attack is really not a good strategy. (We have faced that on many personal levels whether in schools or at work.) Your enemies think they can win, but in reality, pissing off people whose strength relies on the fact that they truly have no place on earth that wants them, is not a winning strategy. Also thinking your religion gives you the right to mass murder is not really what I would call religious. Of course, others would disagree apparently. But those who do disagree, well you fucked around and you found out, didn’t you. Well, too fucking bad. (I will not apologize for surviving in the face of extermination. Not for over 2000 years, and definitely not today.)

Being armed can also take guise of more than guns or battlefield weapons. Law is also a weapon. Some may call it lawfare, and in truth law is waged as war on many fronts in today’s day and age. We see it daily. So we can too use law to our advantage as well. Embracing the use of law to fight battles in a courtroom can actually end up where the real “blood” is spilt too. Depending on what happens in a courtroom millions upon millions can be affected either in cities, counties, states, nations, or even worldwide. Lawfare is not something to turn away from. It is the latest battlefield and one where you need to bring your inner bitch. To fight the good fight and to work to win.

In the end, when we are labeled “bitches” we need to embrace it. When push comes to shove, when our backs are against the wall in protecting those we love, people need to be wary. People who would mess with our families, our world or our lives, need to know if they fuck around they will find out.

DAY 465 OF THE HOSTAGES BEING HELD IN THE TERROR DUNGEONS OF GAZA 🎗️

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