Pitch black outside by 5pm drives me up a wall. Interestingly, for some reason, it seems to me that the darkening of the world came earlier this year than ever before. Now I don’t know if its because as we age we forget the inconvenient realities of the past, much like when women forget what childbirth felt like so on average women continue to have more than 1 child. But, it just seems that dusk comes much sooner after the clocks got turned back. I feel too, the world is spinning to a place I am not sure I am want to go.
Namely winter.
Oh I can’t stand the cold. Snow. Sleet. Freezing temperatures. Well, unfortunately, maybe no snow or sleet this year. Apparently, we are in the middle of a drought here in the northeast to the point that they have banned any outside fires. I thought that was only in California, where a comedian once joked that they have 2 seasons, summer and fire.
But things seriously are very dry here. It’s why they said there wasn’t much color in the leaves. There was not enough rain to keep the leaves on the trees and they just started to shut down early. Not a really happy thing to think about. Nature changing to such an extent.
(Yes, I know, global warming or climate change. Whatever you want to call it, but something is not right. Something is mutating and not necessarily for the better. It’s why the husband poo-poos me wanting to retire at the beach. He says that it will be underwater in 10 years so he doesn’t want to waste his money. Of course I retort we could enjoy it now! I always lose that discussion, by the way. We aren’t moving. )
Happily, the other day it was still quite warm even after the sun went down. Mentioned to the husband that I think in reality I can endure the darkness, what I can’t stand is the cold. Well actually I am no fan of either. When that night comes clawing its way into the evening, by 8pm it feels like midnight and your day needs to be over.
I don’t know how people live close to the poles where they actually have the 30 days of pure night. Now granted on the other end they have 30 days of pure sunlight, but yes, I think I could deal with that. You only need blackout blinds to sleep. And maybe some OTC sleep medicine.
Honestly, I was day fantasizing about moving below the equator where it is now turning into spring then summer time. Trying to come up with a way that I we can move back and forth between North America and Australia or New Zealand. Not South America because I don’t speak spanish, so it needs to be an english speaking county below the middle of the planet. (And don’t discuss how I could learn spanish. Sure I could learn enough to go food shopping, or get my nails done, but not really enough to work.)
Listen, I watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and the Hobbit movies. New Zealand looks beautiful. I wonder if they need any ancient Jewish US lawyers with 2 autistic grown sons. It would be a change and a challenge. We would have to find a way to bring the dog though. No way not taking her would go over with the husband. Well with any of us of course.
I think it’s not easy to move overseas with pets.
I think they also have a really bad antisemitism problem there too. Not as bad as Europe, but bad enough.
Maybe moving internationally is not such a doable thing, afterall.
Except my oldest did mention after Trump was elected, that if the US becomes a bad place to live we can always make aliyah. (Bibi is HIM, according to my son. We can have that discussion about the Israeli Prime Minister in another post.) This by the way, from the son who was such an avowed atheist before he turned 13 to the point that he almost didn’t want a bar mitzvah saying it was hypocritical. The rabbi talked him off that precipice. He has also begun to wear a Star of David with is medical alert medallion. (You know there was a huge swing from atheist who didn’t care about being Jewish, to everything is now about the war and keeping on top of what is happening with Jews and Israel. I told the husband as long as he doesnt start talking about becoming a Hilltop Youth, his reentry into the Jewish world is actually a good thing.)
Both boys also insist on lighting sabbath candles with me every Friday night now, too. It has become our thing and they can recite the blessings without prompt. (It actually warms my heart.)
October 7 changed alot of us in so many ways. So much is simply immeasurable. As we have been told, the Jewish American absence from history has ended.
And yes, I admit it, I am inured to the way the election turned out, much like most of the country. (I find the lack of national freak out refreshing actually.) It is what it is, and let’s see what happens seems to be the common attitude. I refuse to get into an uproar until I have to and only about things I can control. (Except seriously, Attorney General Matt Gaetz, AYFKM? RFK, Jr, doesn’t annoy me even as much. )
I have got to compartmentalize what I have to deal with in my own life, and prioritize how freaked out I am going to get about every political brouhaha. There is no way we can survive another 4 years of being on the edge every day like we did last time with Trump. Personally, I can’t live with the drama every day. (We honestly have enough of our own daily drama right now, and there is just so much cope a person can do.)
So darkness. Maybe because the world just feels dark right now. I don’t know what is coming, but things feel upside down. And no it’s not just about the election. It’s not just about the Israel-Iran war, or the Ukraine-Russia war, or a rising China. It’s not about inflation, supply chain issues, health problems, or unemployment. Maybe it’s everything combined. Maybe it’s just too much and something in the world has to give.
I feel the darkness. You look outside your window and you wonder what lurks in the shadows. It’s human imagination run amok. Devils, demons, and evil spirits running around looking to take victims.
That is why the ancients always celebrated the winter solstice. Because they knew on that day the world was turning to wake up again, and that within a few weeks it will be light again and warm. (Okay maybe a few months) The twinkling lights and dancing around the yule log, lighting candles, and celebrating freedom. We look to the time when life renews itself and when the warmth flows through our windows.
Have I mentioned, how I hate when it gets dark so early……
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I also am sitting out current post-electionsangst and agree with you re feelings of a shift. I first noticed it this year around the time the riots started. Dunno, things are different somehow. Spiritual? Nice to hear the news about your son's interest in most things Israel - that's a positive.
I prefer standard time. I'm a morning person and like getting up early. One of my quiet pleasures is lighting a candle to eat dinner by, making standard time something that's appreciated.
Speaking of candles, while not a Jew (although a solid friend), I've been thinking lately that I might light shabbat and Havdalah candles - even though I don't know the traditional prayers or kiddush. Or would that be inappropriated or upsettting to those practicing the traditional ways?
I also am no fan of this early darkness. I live in Northern Washington, very close to the Canadian border. Dark by 1600 is depressing. It feels like the day is over and you can't do anything after work.
I, too, am in the "it is what it is" camp about the election. I allowed myself about an hour of confusion and sadness and then I moved on to trying to understand the "why" of it. My expertise is in political science and public policy, so it was actually a self soothing action. And it worked. Now, I'm just going to watch quietly, and save my action for the really big important things.
I think we're all on cortisol burnout. The last 10 years have been one shock and hell dimension after another. We just don't have it in us to be shocked or offended or activated over the small fry stuff anymore. I'm appalled by the Gaetz appointment. But I'm not going to get up in arms unless the Senate approves.
Yes, the world feels dark in more than just the winter way. Things feel heavy and exhausting. But the beautiful thing about humans is that we always find a way through and a reason to celebrate. (Jews, in particular, are very good at this.)
I am looking forward to the festivals of lights, whatever religious connotations they may have, because it's a tiny spot of joy in an otherwise bleak darkness.