Shoes

Stilettos, square toe, chunky heel, pump, flat, sneaker, mule, flip flop....

Oh my. Where oh were to begin.

Shoes.

The obsession of so many and the bane of even more. I have to be honest. I have never really been drawn to shoes. Handbags on the other hand are a different issue, as anyone who has ever known me will tell you. (I once had a girlfriend gift me a shoe menorah (the little candle cradles were different types of shoes), and at the same time apologize that it wasn’t handbags. She explained that the shop at the synagogue didn’t have a handbag menorah so she bought me the next best thing 😘).

Shoes for me were never a must have. Oh, I definitely had what I needed, the requisite flat, pump, and sneakers. And I did try to develop a yen for shoes. I even went and tried the coveted European brands. But it just didn’t work out. I never had this overwhelming need to purchase all the pretty shoes in the store window. Oh, I liked to look at them. I just never had a need to wear them.

In truth, I did try at one point to have a healthy shoe collection so that I would not embarrass whomever accompanied me to events. (I had Louboutins, Jimmy Choos, Prada, and Manolo Blahniks. Lovely and beautiful heels.) Well, it would just be me who was embarrassed. I usually only went to events with the husband, and he didn’t care what shoes I wore. He is even more shoe clueless than me.

You know the typical male, with 1 pair of black suit shoes, 1 pair of brown suit shoes, a pair that goes with khakis, sneakers for the gym, and that odd pair in the back of the closet for when he might play golf. On the other hand, he has enough different types of boots he could open a he-man boot store. Don’t ask me what that is about, I have no idea. (Sometimes you just gotta let them be happy as far as what they too chose to put on their body. Of course, he would never pair a Zegna suit with Timberland boots so we never had to have that conversation.)

Yes, I have tried stilettos, and they only hurt the balls of my feet. Never really understood why women love them. Without practice you can barely walk in them. And even with practice you count the minutes in the day until you can take them off. There is a reason that at major galas and functions in today’s world there is a basket of flip flops if you want to take off your shoes so you can actually dance. (Well, maybe not at the Met Gala, but fetes for us normal people.)

Then I had square heeled shoes and felt like a grandma. So not flattering. Clunky and chunky, you feel like you’re going clippity clop like a horse. They come in many different sizes too: 1 inch, 2 inch and the 3 inch heels that were so popular in the disco era and seem to now be attached to military style boots. I really don’t get that look. If you paired them with a goth outfit ok. That seems to make sense to me. But fashionistas wear these chunky clunky black boots with tube tops and miniskirts.

(I know each generation puts their own spin on fashion, but there is fashion and there is ridiculous.)

Now the kitten heel craze is back. I actually have an old pair of kitten heeled sandals I took them out of storage. I tried them on. I actually felt silly. But they are there in case I have to put on a sundress. Not sure why they are called kitten heels either. Do they make a grown women prance around like a baby cat? I also don’t find them sexy. Somehow wearing a shoe named for a baby anything doesn’t elicit a notion of sexual enticement for me.

I was actually thrilled when clogs came back in style. I love clogs. I wore clogs through college and grad school. They are comfortable and manageable. And come in more than just nurses white or leather brown now. I had a pair of pink clogs with a flower design that was my go to shoe for awhile. But the clog boot was a simple disaster for me. Maybe it has something to do with how a boot has to be shaped when it’s attached to the wooden bottom of a clog. Painful doesn't begin to explain it, and yes these were made by the same company that makes my favorite clogs.

On the other hand, Uggs are my slippers and my everyday throw on boot for anytime of the year. Not only do they feel comfortable, and have that nonskid bottom, but they are cushy and my feet feel like they are cocooned in clouds. (I know there is a movement that calls these boots awful and ugly. But I just adore them.) That is until the inside of the Ugg boot gets all gunked up, and gross. But by then it’s time for a new pair. (Yeah, Ugg shopping.)

Honestly, I also never understood the pointy toed shoe. Granted if you have little dainty size 8 1/2, or smaller feet, which I did before I started having children, then a pointy toe would look nice. (With each pregnancy by foot grew a size.)

But when you have these very large, rather masculine size 10 feet ( I have my father’s feet), the only thing you resemble in pointy toed shoes is the wicked witch of the west. I remember when a sales person tried to sell me these pointy toed boots telling me how chic I looked. I mean there is a thin line between trying to make a sale, and getting a shoe chucked at you by a customer. It’s a good thing I didn’t want to go to jail that shopping day.

Finally, and with alot of fanfare, the flat is back. I will be honest, I have been wearing flats for decades. No matter what was the shoe style of the moment. Not simply because you can’t run after toddlers while wearing heels, but because they really are more comfortable and manageable for every day.

I love the ballet flat. In fact, yesterday I wore a pair of black patent leather trimmed ballet flats to a baby shower. They were comfortable and looked, dare I say, chic. I felt very well dressed in my nice little shoe. I was also comfortable standing around chatting and making conversation. I didn’t need to hobble from one foot to the other in order to keep my feet from hating on me like I would do when wearing heels of any size or kind.

I am also enamored of the fact that there are now wide sized shoes for people with big fat bunion-y feet. Oh did I mention that I have these nice, cute, little bunions on both of my feet. No they don’t hurt. I can walk and function just fine. I am not going to have surgery. To have that excruciating surgery for what? So I can wear fancy brand shoes?

(I had a manicurist in the middle of a pedicure once tell me I needed to have bunion surgery and that she knew what she was talking about because she had been doing nails for decades. P.S. I never went back to her.)

And finally, you know what is the best part of not wanting to wear heels? Is that you can resell the ones that have been sitting in your closet on thredUp, or the RealReal. Instead of them gathering dust you can partake in the new sustainability movement and get a little cash back to buy some comfortable and chic little flats.