Lived Experience
It is important what I have learned....
There are many different aspects to the calumny of not being seen. But, I honestly think that there is a real danger for society when the elderly are not acknowledged, or heard. Now this issue of course includes men, so this post is not simply about the unimportant woman. But about how we all become unimport as we age.
Being listened to is an essential part of being acknowledged. It is part of the human condition that your life, your existence, is important. It is life affirming to be recognized for what we have learned. Our experiences means something. The lessons we have learned mean something.
There used to be this situation called “mentor and mentee.” You learn from someone with more of life’s knowledge just how to handle life. Mentors used to show you the ropes and have your back if there were issues. Mentors would help guide you toward a more fruitful future.
Interesting aside: The police seem to use the term “rabbi,” for such a person. Which is rather funny if you ask me considering the New York City police department was started by Irish Catholics. So using such a singularly identifiably Jewish word in an organization where they still march in kilts and play bagpipes I find is rather fun. (maybe it says more about our melting pot then naysayers would like to admit) “Rabbi,” by the way, for those who don’t know, merely means “teacher.”
The reason I find the lack of interest in lived experience part of a problem for society is that for some reason now everyone instead needs to live their “truth.” It doesn't matter if you truth is based on facts. It doesn’t even matter if your truth is grounded in reality. All it seems to matter is that it is your truth so it is legitimate. (This is not about those that need to live their authentic selves, so don’t leave comments) It’s as if we are not allowed to explain to a person, that 2 plus 2 equals 4 because in their truth it equals 5.
I find it ridiculous that you are not allowed to explain to others what they are doing is wrong or how they are doing it is wrong. That the choices they make have consequences that you would like them to avoid. That somehow it takes from the younger generation some form of agency if you try to interject some wisdom into their world based upon the mistakes you have made.
In societies gone by, elders and their advice were sought out simply because they have had those lived experiences. It was an honor to have them share their thoughts and guidance with the younger generation. Wisdom was thought to come with age. It was something that was to be respected. Knowing the ins and outs of life and understanding its peaks and valleys used to be seen an asset and not a liability. Knowing how to navigate the vagaries of life and pass that on to others used to be something celebrated.
I don’t feel that anymore. (Yes I know we have 2 old white men running for President, so maybe I am being hyperbolic). But in a world where for the average person they force you to retire at 65, as if you suddenly have nothing to give to society, it seems to me that all your years of work and striving are seen as more of a burden than as an asset. It’s as if you reach the age deemed to be retirement appropriate by the government and suddenly you are supposed to start drooling into your soup and falling asleep at 4pm while watching some pablum on television.
Lived experience is something to be cherished. There are stories and experiences to share with those around us. We all have stories that we can tell. We all have joys that we can share. We all have warnings that we can share, as well.
Many point out that our lived experience is problematic and useless because of the issues that we are faced with in the future. We messed up. Ok, we may not have always gotten everything right. But learning from our mistakes may yet be the way to go. And who is to say that simply because there may have been mistakes involved that we were ever truly wrong in how we approached life, or how we fought to correct what was seen as a societal wrong? It seems rather simple, a rather binary view of life, from a generation that asserts that there are dozens of genders, to think that everything that has ever been done is merely the result of a binary choice.
Humans are complex animals. We are not simply one thing or the other. Our choices are not always simple. The majority of people really do the best they can given the understanding of the world around them at the time issues arose.
There is a kind of chutzpah in those who want to “live their truth,” but reject the “lived experiences” of their elders. Isn’t lived experience, also lived truth?
I don’t see “lived experience” as very different from “my truth.” Actually people on the far left treat them as one and the same and use them interchangeably. However subjectivity is not objectivity. And age is no sure-fire ticket to universal wisdom i.e. insight into the nature of life and the human condition. Hence the people I wrinkle my nose at (whom I described the last time I commented), who tell me when THEY were young, they “didn’t have a care in the world.” You’re right that the disrespect for the reality of one’s experience as opposed to ephemeral “truth” (as one’s opinion) is detestable. But as a young person I would like to shine a harsh light on the arrogance of the old and the entitlement of the infirm. The boomers for example who bankrupted my generation because they think they have a basic right to retire at like 60. In America social security and Medicare costs are going to exceed defense outlays, all so grasping people at least a fifth of whom save nothing for retirement can kick back, besides haggling over cents at the grocery store. Yeah so much to learn from the lived experiences of the aging Trump/Biden supporters blowing up the budget and making it political suicide to cut social spending while demanding to stop once for all “endless wars.”