As I have mentioned, both of my sons are on the autism spectrum. My oldest has some comorbid issues that prevent him from driving, so I tend to take him where he needs to go.
One of the places he loves to go is to work out in the local pool. Swimming laps and doing a water workout. He goes several times a week. It relaxes him and fills him with joy.
I sit by the poolside, biding my time, generally playing on substack. Its when I get my reading in.
But what I also do is talk to alot of the people there. They are mainly elderly (well alot older than my senior status) and are generally quite congenial. They are very interested in the situation with my son. Mostly they are just really snoopy about why I just sit there on the bench and don’t swim myself.
Truth is that I am watching and making sure that everything goes smoothly for him. There is the odd nasty jerk and my son is not good at reading and handling social situations that throw him a curve ball.
Also, you couldn’t pay me enough to put on a bathing suit. I think the last time I wore a suit was when we were at one of the Disney water parks, and I am not sure I took my coverall off. That was about 20 years ago, give or take a few years.
Well yesterday, one of the elderly women and I got to talking and we were of course, discussing the election. Long story short, she is quite the left winger very worried about reproductive rights. I told her that we live in NY so there is no worry here. Then she asked “where else could she go if that changed, other than the moon maybe.” (Now remember this women has to be in her late 70s.)
Me, being rather cheeky, and channeling Michel Houellebecq replied, as I pointed at the Star of David around my neck, “I would probably go to Israel. Afterall we are Jewish.” (I don’t think she read his novel his novel Submission, where the Jewish character leaves an increasingly islamicized Paris for Israel.)
She then mentioned, “well they have problems there,” to which I replied, “well some problems with their neighbors. It’s a rough neighborhood.”
Then out of the blue she told me, “ I am pro-Palestinian and have always been that way. (Meaning before October 7) And I do not want to talk about it.” She said that rather adamantly.
I decided very quickly not to try to further the discussion and segued to something else. We ended up talking about her sister who died from breast cancer and how she is on tamoxifen for breast cancer as well. Being a breast cancer survivor myself, we then spent some time discussing the medications they give you to keep you alive and how miserable they make you feel.
Many of you may think I am a coward for what I did, to not challenge this woman at that moment. But I made a quick calculation that this would probably get very nasty, and my son has very few enjoyments in life and I wasn’t going to ruin this one for him. He comes before anything else. Including fighting with an octogenarian who without a doubt has some mental health issues of her own. (Besides I really didn’t want to confirm that the old broad in the lane next to my son is a genocidal bitch. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.)
That moment reminded me of that song by Kenny Rogers, The Gambler, “You need to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em, know when to walk away, know when to run….”
I think in life you need to know just when something is worth your time and effort and if it will make a difference. Age teaches you many things. I think one of the major lessons I have learned is that it is not necessary to try to change every strangers’ mind about anything, including that fact that they are an antisemite.
It also reminded me of something that happened to me in 4th grade. There are events in your life that you simply do not forget. I cannot recall what the class was discussing, but the subject of Nazis came up. Apparently, we must have been having a lesson on WW2. And I mentioned that I would not have a Nazi for a friend. (Now my sister and I were the only Jewish children in the school. Deep Bible Belt.)
The teacher’s response was, “well maybe you have other things in common like music.”
The girl who sat in front of me turned to me and said,”yeah.” (I can still see that child’s face.)
All I could think was why would I care what kind of music a person who wants to kill me likes? I never said anything in class (it’s hard being 8 years old and having to deal with such ignorance), but I thought to myself, just how incredulous these people were and how unbelievably stupid.
I only bring this up because I really didn’t care what that old lady thought about anything after her rather blunt, “I am proPalestinian” statement, but felt it was important to continue to talk to her so there wouldn't be any uncomfortable feeling for my son, since we do see this woman every once in awhile. I suspect in reality I no more cared how she felt about the life saving anticancer drug she is taking (which by the way was probably invented and made in Israel) than if a Nazi and I have the same taste in music.
In the end everything was left as it were, quiet, calm and we went on our way.
After dropping my son home, I then went to the supermarket to pick up a few items. I stopped at the customer service desk, I wanted my Powerball ticket. (My younger son gets annoyed because he says I am wasting my money buying lottery tickets. But you know the old joke… a religious and righteous man asks Hashem why he has never helped him win the lottery and Hashem replies, “help me out, buy a ticket.” Well you can’t win if you don’t buy a ticket).
Meanwhile, standing next to me was another very old woman. She happened to notice the Star of David around my neck. I bought this star 30 years ago and have worn it everyday since. She pointed to my star and then pulled out the hostages dogtags that she wears around her neck.
“Mine are hanging from the rear view mirror of my car,” I told her.
She mentioned that her grandson is in Israel. He is a volunteer along with some friends. They came home for mother’s day and went back. “Now is not the time to abandon Israel,” he had told his grandmother.
“We need to stick together,” she said to me.
Yes we do. Now is definitely not the time for the faint of heart.
But, we still need to remember to pick our battles wisely.
You did the right thing! Odd, isn't it, that an 80 year old would be concerned enough about "reproductive rights" read: aborting fetuses - to bring it up poolside. That's what mind viruses will do to you
In 1948 when most of my family emigrated to Israel, "pro Palestinian" meant in favor of a Jewish homeland